I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
