I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
