dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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