A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
