This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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