yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
