I feel like I'm in dance class right now
After last night, I could never be a politician.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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