I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
the condom got lost in my hair
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
