Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
