all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
