Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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