Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
