She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
