is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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