I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
