Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
