My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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