where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
