The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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