dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
