Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
