I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
