Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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