Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
