I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
