Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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