I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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