Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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