You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
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