You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
