it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
