You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
