I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
