sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Someone signed my nipple.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
