Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
