I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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