The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
