Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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