My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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