the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
