so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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