Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
