I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
