We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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