No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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