Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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