Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Are we still banned from the library?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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