sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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