Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
