I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Randomize
