I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
