you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i drank out of a bidet.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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