Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
