Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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