Don't make out with my wife yet
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Im just a social blackout drinker.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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