Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
i think i just lost a toe
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
