Will you blow on my dice?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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