Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
