Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
