He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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