respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
