he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
