You're so nebulous sometimes
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
