My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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