Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
