Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
false alarm. still invincible.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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