Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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