There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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