that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
