so that wasnt chicken after all
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
