After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
