i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize