So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
