Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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