Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
