He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
