singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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