Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
