then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
