so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
