You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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