That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
