so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So much rum. So many feels.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
