you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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