I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize