Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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