I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize