she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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