i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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