I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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