i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
