remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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