I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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