She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
