i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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