Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
