Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
