I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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