I want you more than these girls want KFC
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
