Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
